Go right or be wrong

Battle of the sexes will alway be a thing, men will say things we won’t like and girls will alway mis interpret the information men give us. IT IS WHAT IT IS!!! LOL…

We as in females do not process information the same way men do, and thats ok. No one is wrong, no one is right however in a relationship, arguments and fights occur when people arent communicating properly.

I recently dealt with a communication error that really  enlightened me in the way I think about myself, myself in relationships and how I communicate generally to ALL my relationships with my friends and family. Words like “sure, maybe, alright” used to drive me insane and they kinda still do (I’m working on it) because these words leaves me feeling unsettled, not wanted and uncertain. However the person using these words to respond to me didn’t have the intentions of making me feel this way. The problem isn’t the person saying “maybe” to me, the problem is me, and the insecurities I have with the relationship.

On one of our date nights, I got upset at one word that he said…he said “alright”. I asked how he thought this date night went and he replied that the night was alright for him. Though he didn’t say it was a bad night, I took his alright as if he had a horrible time with me….I mis interrupted what he was saying because in my mind if he didn’t use word like wonderful, amazing, good then he didn’t like to hang with me anymore.

Similar to the feeling of jealously, everyone feels it and it is quite common. The feeling of jealously comes from our own insecurities, insecurities that could possible stem from past experiences.  Believe me, I feel it!  I compare myself to other peoples successes all the time. I get jealous but I also know that happiness is what I make of it and reminding myself  is helpful in keeping my sanity.

The key is containing the madness of insecurities by owning up to how our insecurities makes us feel  and allow the admittance to evolve in understanding and changing the way we think about ourselves.

love, laugh, date 😉

Linda

 

4 Minutes of Conversation

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Im all about trying things once before saying absolutely “no” to it. If you don’t try then how will you ever know if it is something you like or dislike. Now I know most people say “no” or “I don’t like it” before they even attempt to try it because  of  fear; the fear of not knowing the outcome and  the fear of not being able to succeed. People aren’t naturally ‘Debbie – downwers’ or ‘negative minded thinkers’ but its due to the human nature of humans to be in control at all times and without control leaves moments of vulnerability in which case no one likes.

In this case, my fear is putting myself out there  in the dating game and having no one want to play! 😉 This Summer, I decided to do something I have never done before. I decided to attempt to try do the speed dating thing. Ive always thought about it and I’ve always wondered what it would be like. I thought about the pros and cons, the pro is having the potential of meeting the one, the greater chances of meeting  multiple men in just an hour and the experience itself. The cons is being that no connection will be made between me and 20 men …ugh…sadness!!! And the fact that I PAID MONEY to get rejected.

For me, the pros outweighed the cons so making the decision go through with it was easy. I think after so much talks with friends and hearing their experiences made it easier for me to sign up. FYI when you decide to sign up for speed dating, it’s not simple steps of just signing up. I had to do research on which company to do it with? What the age limit would be and which date to do it on. This was new to me, I thought there would only be one company where I would just sign up and head down to  it the next day…clearly I was wrong hahahaha.

After all of the research, I finally decided and booked it for a time that was 4 weeks away. I was kind of worried that the long wait time would leave me with time to rethink and back out of actually going, however this isn’t what happened. I went through with it and as the date of the speed dating night was approaching, I got excited!

The speed dating thing was interesting, as I walked in I got a name tag, a note card and a pen. The premise of the night would be girls in seat of their choosing for the night and men would rotate from chair to chair. Each man was assigned a number to start off the night and they would rotate clock wise to the next girl.  Each “date” would be 4 minutes and when the MC rang the bell, the convo would end and it was our responsibility to write down the corresponding name to the conversation and check mark the “yes” or  “no”  box. In the end, people who  agreed  on each other would receive notification that they were a match. The responses did not come immediately, participants would find out their matches a few days later through email.

During the whole process, I felt confident and there was two men that I was interested in. A man from Australia that was new to the city, he was definitely a charmer and I knew, he knew that he was quite attractive. The second was a burly man who reminded me a lot of lumberjack, he loved the outdoors and he was just the right amount of mystery that intrigued me. He was true gentlemen with simple values. These two guys were the guys I was the most interested in at the moment because in my mind, I felt like they were a little far out of reach for me. I marked “yes” for these 2, however I also held great conversation with a few others that I also marked ‘yes” to.

I also marked a few hard “no’s”….but Ill tell you about the “hell no’s” another time 🙂

When people ask me my thoughts about speed dating, I always try to give them the best answer I can. I had a great time and I would recommend it to anyone that feels open to getting to know someone beyond the physical. Going into it, I wasn’t expecting anything except some great conversation and maybe a face that would make me smile that night.  Of course, I wanted to meet someone and hopefully form an official date from the experience but I also didn’t want to get my hopes up.

Overall the most nerve wrecking part was waiting for the email that showed you your matches. When I got the email and started reading, the Aussie and Lumberjack was not on the list..this dissaponted me. I spent a few minutes backtracking my mind to see what possibly could’ve went wrong. Did I turn them off, was I not attractive enough, was I not funny??? I thought about them for a few days….I thought about them until I heard a text message from my phone, I looked at it and it was a message from another match. In that second reading the message:

Hi Linda

It’s ……. from speed dating.

How are you?

I forgot about the Aussie and Lumberjack and smiled.

Love, laugh and smile 🙂

Linda

YYC TO THE 6IX

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We all heard a stories about a friend or a friend of friend who travelled far distances to meet their significant other. We heard about the friend of a friend who fell in love online and then met with this stranger and then within three months they got married and live happily ever after. C’mon, we know these stories, they are feel good stories that we repeat to give hope to ourselves and to others so that heart-break will be less painful.

I’ve always been very skeptical of these stories however in the back of my mind, I wonder if a crazy love story like that could happen to be me. Could I be part of the small percentage that falls in love with an online friend, Could I be the one that is willing to move across seas to find love, did I convince myself to buy a plane ticket to meet someone in hopes of funding THE ONE? …..UUUUMMMMM YES!

Now the question is, did this plane ticket turn out to be a magical happily ever after… the answer is no…HECK NO!

Last summer, I swiped on man who I absolutely regret on swiping yes to.  He seemed fun, funny and quite social. We began messaging each other throughout the summer months and once I felt comfortable enough,  I wanted to meet up with him. I noticed on his profile that his location changed. His location was not in Calgary anymore but in Toronto. When I saw the location change the first thing I remember was cursing at my luck lol. I messaged him that since he’s in Toronto there is no way of us meeting and there is no point in us messaging since the logistics wouldn’t work out. He replied and kept insisting that we should still chat since he comes to YYC often to visit his family, he continued to say that he was looking for a greater reason to come back to YYC…..right…charmer isn’t he?

The messaging continued and then we exchanged numbers so we could message each other throughout the day. I loved getting day messages from him, he made me feel excited and happy. As messages increased we began to do lengthy  phone calls at night. He was so sweet and very easy to talk to. The conversations always started with chit and chat  about the our daily happenings which led to more serious talks about our pasts, our families and friends.

During this time I was seeing someone else but not seriously, I was open and honest that I was sorta dating around.  I was keeping my options open. He didn’t mind since he understood the circumstance, we were far apart and we didn’t really know each other. However he kept telling me that I should stop dating around since I already found the one…clearly he was talking about himself.

Talks continued for a week or so and one night he asked if I would like to see him in Toronto. I told him that I have never been to Toronto but I would love to experience it. He told me how great Toronto was, he mentioned numerous times how much he could imagine me living in Toronto. He explained how much I would love it there. He offered to fly me out to see him but the idea of him wanting to fly me there was crazy. I told him it was too soon and I wasn’t comfortable enough to jump on the offer.

The fact that he wanted to fly me out was extremely crazy but secretly I thought it was so charming and endearing that he would offer such a big gesture. He was willing spend so much on a ticket  just to spend time with me, the whole idea of it really excited me. I didn’t say no but I didn’t say yes….I said I would think about it.

After a few weeks after the initial talk of me going to Toronto, he asked me if I would come out in a few months to attend a wedding he was going to as his plus one. He reasoned with me that it would give enough time (month and half) to know each other through conversation before meeting. I agreed and he seemed super thrilled that I agreed I would come to see him in a few months. He began looking for cheap plane tickets.  Daily, he would ask me if I requested time off yet, he sent me links of flight deals while at work and told me he was ready to buy as soon as I gave him the dates. I said I could only come for the weekend but he always pushed me to try to get a few more extra days off. He sent me videos of the things we could do while I was there. He told me he would pick me up from the airport and we would go on a mini road trip  to Niagara Falls. HE KNEW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO AND WHAT TO SAY TO FOR ME TO LIKE HIM JUST A LITTLE MORE.

I discussed this situation with my best friend and her husband and they gave me the advice to go ahead with meeting him but make sure to be extremely cautious. My best friend advised me to get my own flights so I was in control of the situation and that I wouldn’t feel the obligation of being under his control or  have the feeling that  I owed him anything afterwards. After much thought, I agreed with her.

One night while I was at home, I came to the decision that I was going to go through with going to Toronto. I looked online for cheap flights and West Jet was having a seat sale. I looked at the dates and in just a few clicks I was flying to Toronto on October 20th.

I called him right after to tell him that I bought the tickets, I wanted to hear his reaction. I called and it went voicemail…I was disappointed but I told myself I would wait a while and call him again. I waited for thirty minutes and I couldn’t wait anymore. I needed to tell him so I sent him a message. I waited for his response and finally after twenty minutes he replied with emoji signs and told how happy he was that I was coming.  He told me he was in the middle of a gig that’s why he couldn’t answer (he was a DJ at night and PR rep for a toy company during the day). I told him it was ok and I was heading to bed and we could talk tomorrow.

In the morning, he messaged me and told me that he was excited for the weekend. His friends from YYC  was visiting and he was planning to be hanging with his boys the whole three days…Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I told him that sounds like a lot of fun and that this weekend my parents were in YYC visiting so we were both going to be occupied for the next few days. I implied that I would still like messages throughout the weekend and he said of course.

On Friday night, he told he was going to stand up comedy show with his boys and  how much fun he was having, this was the last message he sent me. On Saturday, I messaged him in the late afternoon, he never responded. During this time I still thought he was completely occupied with his friend so I didn’t think anything of it.  On Sunday, I messaged him in the evening asking if his weekend was dying down yet? still no reply.

After a couple hours later from the last  message, I  began to feel it. The feeling of being heart broken! I felt the sad emotion of being rejected again…..though he didn’t tell me with words his actions of ignoring my messages said it all. I knew that he had GHOSTED me but I hung on the tiny hope that maybe it was a mistake.

I looked at his social media and began to realize that he had blocked me from every form of communication. My phone calls were going to straight to voicemail. BLOCKED. My messages on whats app. BLOCKED. On Instagram. BLOCKED.

At this moment, I was freaking out….I called my best friend to see if she could view him on Instagram….maybe there was a glitch on Instagram and he didn’t mean to block me? maybe he lost his phone or it died and  that’s why my phone calls were going to voicemail? Any excuse I could come up with, I repeated over and over again in hopes that it wasn’t true. THE TRUTH WAS HE PLAYED ME AND I FELL FOR IT!

BEGINNING OF JULY- found eachother online

MIDDLE OF JULY- messaging online

END OF JULY- exchange numbers and messaging through text

BEGINNING AUGUST- messages daily and late night calls

SECOND WEEK IN AUGUST-asked me to visist Toronto

THIRD WEEK IN AUGUST- convinces me to fly to Toronto

AUGUST 27TH- get opinions from besties on going to Toronto

AUGUST 30TH- I surprised him with tickets

SEPTEMBER 1ST- last message he sends me

SEPTEMBER 3RD- realization that I he officially GHOSTED me.

I can’t belive that this happened to me, that I fell so fast for someone who I didn’t even know. I can’t belive that he had the charm to convince me to go and fly across the country to meet him. I question everything…was everything he said all talk??? when he offered to fly me out, did he actually have no intention to fly me out. Was it all talk? did he think I would’ never agreed to come? I jumped on the fantasy that this plane ticket might have led me to happily ever after…why am I so crazy? lol

After the realization I was ghosted, the pain sank in. He will never know how much pain I was in. I was a mess for weeks. I couldn’t think straight and no matter what I did , I just cried!! The feeling of heart break, sadness of betrayal and trying to understand how a human can be so cold and use me for a thrill made it so difficult for me to function. The sadness consumed me for a while and no matter what I did, I couldnt get out of this emotional funk fast enough.

I knew that eventually I would be ok, since ive experience heart-break before but this one was the hardest. It’s crazy because I’ve discussed this over and over again with friends and the fact that I never met him impacted me more than anyone that I have met in person. WHY? I think the fantasy of him was so strong that I thought he was perfect and real, therefore making it ten times harder for me to let go of something so imaginary.

Thank goodness for the great support in my left that helped me through it. Thanks for the people that allowed me to crash at their place because I couldnt be alone, thanks for my bestie that would go to dinner with me in silence because I wasnt able to speak and thanks to the ones that just hugged me when I needed a hug.

You broke me, but im stronger because of it!

LOVE, LAUGH AND MOVE ON 🙂

Linda

 

 

Ready for Summer?

Alright summer is around the corner and you know what that means? More skin, less clothes and more singles lol? Pools are open for business and eager people are waiting to dive right in. After a long winter and all the time spent inside binge watching Netflix, we are all need of some sun to brighten up our moods.

Summer is a great time to be out and about, to mingle, to meet new friends, new lovers and maybe even new flings ;). I love summer because I feel like there is much more to do in the city. I find that summer brings the best out people, people are more excited to venture out and a quick date with an acquaintance over an ice coffee or ice cream (yummy!) becomes less of a chore. No need to take 5 mins to layer our parka or extra 10 mins to heat the car, meeting people becomes less painful than usual hahaha!

Going on a date in summer gives you more options and less obligation. For example: Winter date: arrange to meet over a coffee…the date goes well, then what? walk the cold, walk to the car, go to his place???? UM NO! Summer date: arrange over an iced coffee…the date goes well, then we walk the river, walk downtown, explore the city! ENDLESS OPTIONS 🙂

All I know is I plan to be out and about this summer and I really hope others take advantage of the warm weather as well. The chance that you will meet someone sitting at home is very unlikely….actually I’m pretty sure the likelihood of meeting someone is 0% if you sit at home lol! Better chance of meeting “the one” when you  put your life in action. Go out, have fun! Say yes rather than no and in the case that you don’t meet the love of your life this summer, then maybe a friend. If all fails then maybe a good story to tell about your friends about your dating adventure 🙂

Laugh a lot this summer, Date a lot this summer and continue to Love yourself always!

Linda

 

One Sided Conversation

Hi, Nice to meet you…im Linda and yes just to warn you- this date is all about me and nothing about you. In the next hour or so of conversation, I will talk for you, over you and I would prefer if you just sit there in silence because once again, if I wasn’t clear enough….THIS DATE WILL BE ALL ABOUT ME AND NOTHING ABOUT YOU! hahahaha

Now if someone took you out and warned you that this was going to happen, would you still go…um heck no lol. Unfortunately, I did go on a date with a guy recently who did this on the date but with no warning. This date happened quite recently and usually I don’t write so soon about I guy I just went on a date with however he didn’t bother asking anything about me so he probably doesn’t know that I will blog about him.

This is the story; we been trying to get together  for a drink for a while now. He was busy with his job and I was busy with life and it just never worked out. He would always ask to see me on such short notice. I remembered the first time he asked if I  would be interested in getting together, I said yes and replied with where and when? He didn’t message me back until five days after. After a month of going back and forth we finally agreed to meet on a Sunday at a pub near to my place.

I can’t lie and say I was excited, I wasnt sure how to feel since it was so difficult to make a date to finally meet, I believe I was over it before it even began. I got to the pub few minutes before him, I stayed in my car and saw him park right beside me. I assumed it was him since the parking lot was empty (guess the pub isn’t too popular lol). I got out of my car first and then he followed. I assumed he was nervous since he was fidgety but I asked him if he was and he replied arrogantly with a NO.

I walked towards the pub and I felt that the chemistry between us was already off. Though he didn’t say much yet, my girls intuition in me knew that he wasn’t the man of my dreams….hehehe, he might be another dud. We walked in and sat down, there was no charm, no polite awkwardness but blunt, abrupt motions. We sat down and we began to chat.

I started off the conversation with asking him about his day, he replied and asked me about mine. He then ventured off and continued talking about his work, his family, his trip to Florida, his high school life, his ex girlfriend, his busy schedule, the beer he likes to drink, the last time he partied and……..you get it! lol….all about him, nothing about me.

Do you know the John Mayer song from his first album??? yes the first, I’m old y’all hehehe! I loved John Mayer!!! Well in the song ” my stupid mouth” he says the line ” I played a quick game of chess with the salt and pepper shaker” here he implies that he was awkward and had nothing better to say…..well folks, I was playing with the condiments on the table and my date didn’t even notice.

After a while of listening to his continuous banter of his life, I chuckled out load. He asked what was funny? I told him, I’m laughing because since the moment we got our beer orders in – he hasn’t even asked me a question about myself. I told him I haven’t even said a word in the past  fifteen minutes. He was shocked with what I just said and apologized.

After he apologized, he informed me that he doesn’t enjoy silence, therefore he continues to chat to fill the silence…I smiled and said ok. As the date continued, I noticed he was asking me more questions about myself now. However, the atmosphere of the questions was extremely awkward since I knew he was only asking because of what I said. I felt the questions weren’t genuine and he honestly didn’t really care what I had to say. I answered his questions, but I could see he was very anxious to tell me about his experience.

At the end of the date he asked to see me again, well sorta. He implied that we will hang out again! After a few weeks of trying to work out our schedule to meet for the second time, we could never agree of a date and time. I think we both gave up.

Honestly, I am okay with no second date. After much thought, I decided I want to be the self-absorbed one in the relationship 😉 I like to hear myself talk too!

Linda

Live Laugh and DATE!

Passing the neon sings

Hello from Vegas!!! woot woot!

I decided to take a trip to the crazy city of Las Vegas to celebrate the fact that I’m now heading into a new chapter in my life. Yes, welcome to  the thirties Linda! Do I feel different? I can’t say that I do, however when I repeat the word thirty, I get this cringy reminder that I’m getting older lol.

A decade has passed and since I turned twenty  I might not feel different,  but I know that there are so many things that have changed in my life.  I am wiser and hopefully a little more maturer then my twenty year old self. My taste in foods, music and my  judgement on people are definitely different after 10 more years of living.  I’ve grown in knowledge and adapted to a few hard obstacles that I’ve encountered in the past years but overall I can say that my life has been pretty great.

In the 10 years, I’ve changed jobs multiple times lol, felt heart breaks more than once, shared tears and pain with loved ones….yes these are bad things I’ve listed haha, but I’ve also experience my best friends weddings, moved into a place to call my own and formed great freindships….these are some of the good things 😉 EVERYONE EXPERIENCES UPS AND DOWNS IN LIFE AND IM TRULY LUCKY TO SAY THAT IN MY LIFE, THE UPS OUTWEIGH THE DOWNS.

My twenties have been great due to the amazing relationships I have in my life. Without all the wonderful humans in my life that have given me so much support, guidance and endless laughter, the twenties would’ve not been as enjoyable as they were

Though my dating life has also been quite dramatic and crazy: every date, every meeting has also impacted on who I am. I feel that going into the thirties, my dating life will only get harder and probably even more dramatic than before. Heading into the thirties with my twenty year old experience, I feel more confident and optimistic that  my “perfect” someone is close. If there isn’t the “perfect” someone in my dating life then that’s ok  because I already have the ” perfect” friendships, “perfect” family and “perfect” colleagues that and girl would dream of.

I’m ready for thirties, come on new adventures, new people, new stories!

LOVE, LAUGH AND CONTINUE TO LIVE! YOU LIVE ONCE-MAKE IT COUNT!!

Linda

Repeat, repeat and change

Gosh, it feels like forever since I posted…I want to tell you that I haven’t posted as frequently as before due to my busy glamorous life but in true honesty the breaks I take in between posts are quite dull lol and spent time reflecting on my dating patterns and how to change them.

Dating patterns for me are the repetition of men I see that have very similar traits to each other . The traits that annoyed you, traits that you disliked seem to follow you to the next man you begin to see. Though most women say we don’t want this characteristic and that characteristic…..do we find that we fall into another relationship similar to the last? For me the answer is heck yes!

As much as we say we want change, the question is that do we really? Do I really?? I complain to my friends about me falling into the same trap with dating. I know the solution, however I continue to accept a date with a similar version of the last person. Instead of taking risks and accepting a date with someone I would never imagine going on a date with, I could be missing out on an opportunity to find some one really great!

I feel that there are three types of dating women, 1)women who lists all the traits that men must have to date them, 2) a women who says she will date anyone because she’s so open to possibilities and 3) the women who is the best version of both. I’ve been the women 1 and because my list was so long, it made it difficult for any man to fit my description. Women 1 was too good for everyone and this is why she was alone.

I’ve also been women 2 and my standards were too low that I felt that I was never with quality men which in turn devalued myself. Women 2 had  a lot of fun going out all the time but she was left still alone. She was also left with a lot of emotional baggage.

I am at  the point now that I want to be women 3 who has standards and values what I have to offer in a relationship as well as wants someone who will bring value to my life.  I didn’t figure this out by sticking to be women 1 or 2 but by changing my behavior and the men I was seeing. This is still an ongoing process but allowing myself to be open with people has made it easier for me to communicate and find life more enjoyable in  spending time with the right people.

We always heard the phrase “change is good” and I agree! Change is good and if dating isn’t working right now than change it up. If you continue (or if I continue) dating the same way then we will be looping around in circles with heart breaks over and over again.

Dating will always be a trial and error process but one day it will work out….I think? Lol

Love, laugh and continue dating

Linda