I’ve always said I want to break my patten…my dating pattern that is. I figured that I was dating the wrong men but it has been very difficult to define what is actually wrong with them. Maybe there is something wrong with me? All I know is that the previous guys I’ve dated wasn’t working and the common factor was me.
Over the summer, I tried to break that pattern by dating a guy that I normally wouldn’t go for. I tend to be drawn to the tall dark and handsome, guys with an ego, guys who were outspoken so basically “A” types. This time I decided to see someone who was still strong and a man but a man who is relaxed, down to earth and little simpler then the guys I’ve seen before.
Late June was when I started to chat with the “wedding date”. I was leisurely scrolling on online dating apps like most of us do on our downtime. I came across a blonde (so different from previous men….sooooo fricken different lol) and I swiped yes to him. Fortunately he liked my profile too!
The reason why I liked him from the beginning is the fact that he was so different from the other guys that I’ve messaged before. He was easy-going and very straight forward, we chatted for only a short period of time like a week with quick responses each day and then by the fifth day of messaging, he asked me if I would like to meet.
I deleted the actual message but this is what it sounded like:
“well Linda I think you seem like a great girl and it would be nice to meet you in person and get to know you a little more”
This was to the point but yet so clear, sweet and sincere. There was no mixed messages, no playing hard to get or vulgar (unwanted) sexual play but a guy that truly wanted to get to know me….awwww so sweet 😉
He picked a Sunday to meet, we met over drinks at a restaurant in Missions. It was hot that day because I remember how sweaty he was. I didn’t care because he was cute and everything about him was so endearing. We ordered a pitcher of sangria and some guacamole to share. Both were delicious but the watermelon sangria was to die for 😉 As we continue onto the second glass of sangria; finishing the pitcher as if it was nothing. I noticed that I was quite nervous. Looking back, I think I was nervous because I felt that he and I weren’t equals. Though he wasn’t intimidating, I felt intimidated. I think the intimidation came from all his life experiences. His life was completely opposite from mine. My life seemed empty and adventure-LESS compared to his. How can we relate?
After we left the restaurant, we walked the neighborhood and stumbled across a community garden, yes we went in. He touched every plant and spoke about gardening as if it was his profession. We walked up and down and admired everyone’s individual garden while I listened about his own garden that he’s been working on. I knew he was into me when I caught him trying to touch, graze and hold my hand. The fact that he wasnt sly about it made me like him more. He wasn’t as smooth or charming as the other guys I’ve dated but I felt that every compliment, every gesture he did was truly meant for me 🙂
Since he was busy and I was busy for most of summer, it was hard to coordinate a time to meet up again. Though I didnt see him as much as I wouldve liked to, I knew I liked him enough to want to spend a whole evening with him. That’s when I made the hard decision. Should I invite him to a wedding or not? I decided I wanted him to be my date at my best friends wedding.
The one thing that not all my friends know is that it took me a long time and a huge emotional struggle to find courage to even approach “wedding date” to be my wedding date. By this time, I only seen him three times in the course of a month and half.
I’m pretty sure there are people reading this that think im CRAZY for wanting him to be my date after the third meeting. I agree, I think its CRAZY too, however at that moment in time I believe I wanted a plus one so bad that the idea took over my logic completely. At that moment, me being crazy wasnt my fear. My fear was rejection. The only thing that crossed my mind was what if I asked and he said no? then what? If I asked, could I be ruining the beginning of a great possibility? Or could this grand gesture of me asking him to be my wedding date then becoming a blossoming relationship?
Well you know what I did lol! I asked and he said yes. I don’t regret asking him but looking back, im pretty sure I should have asked my friend Chris 🙂
When I finally asked him, he was thrilled. I wanted to ask him in person but we kept changing dates on each other so there was never a time where I could. The wedding was also in two weeks so I was cutting it close. My best friend was being so patient with me, she needed to know if there should be an extra seat beside me or not. (Thankyou for waiting for my response)
I finally messaged “wedding date”. I wanted the message to come off very breezy so there was no pressure on him to say yes. As a girl we ponder on things, we over think things and naturally we try to disappoint ourselves first so that when others disappoint, it will hurt less. However hurt is hurt and no matter what; pain, rejection and disappointment sucks the same way. I waited and waited for his response and finally he messaged back. He was thrilled about the idea and I was thrilled that he was thrilled.
My best friend is chinese so her wedding was two parter, a chinese reception dinner for close friends and family the first night and a set planned meal placed at pretty venue with the rest of the guests on the second night. I originally invited the “wedding date” to the first night, the chinese reception dinner. As we started talking, I invited him to the second night as well. The reason why I didn’t initially invite him to both nights is because I didn’t want him to feel overwhelmed with spending two days with me back to back. The second night would also be a night where I would be busy helping the bride and bridal party. I knew he would be spending majority of the second night alone with strangers so I didnt want him to feel left alone. However he still wanted to attend both.
The whole wedding was huge commitment and I asked if he was sure he wanted to go through with it and he kept saying yes. I remember he said “if you want me to be there then I will be there for you”.
On the chinese dinner reception day, I told him we would be car pooling with my best friend Ali and her boyfriend. He was ok with it and when I got to the restaurant, I was a little nervous allowing him to meet my other best friend aka bride and the groom. The intro was nice and short. As we sat down at the table and began to eat, he thanked me over and over again for inviting him. We drank wine and stuffed ourselves full. I felt that the atmosphere was great, the night was filled with conversation and lots of laughs.
We left early around ten oclock knowing that everyone had to wake up early to get pampered for the wedding day. The night ended and as I was leaving, I made arrangements to pick up the rest of the girls to head to the northwest together the next morning.
In the morning, the “wedding date” drove and dropped all the girls and I off in the northwest. The “wedding date” and I spoke earlier about joining me at the wedding venue later that day so I told hi to take my car. Its funny because I didn’t know that the conversation I had with him in my car that morning would be the last conversation I had with him ever.
As the girls were getting ready, I checked my phone and he messaged me few hours later saying that he wasnt feeling well and he will not be attending the wedding. He apologized and implied that he would pick me up after the wedding was over. I knew the wedding was going to end quite late so I told him, he didnt have to pick me up. I told him he could drop my car off the next morning at my place and that he should rest for the rest of the night.
I was sad and disappointed he couldn’t make it to the second day but if he wasnt feeling well then I undestood that it was best for him to stay home. Throughout the night I looked at my phone for updates on how he was doing but there was no messages from him. I jumped to the conclusion that he was sleeping his sickness off and he was too sick to answer. Of course these are all my excuses for him to make myself feel better.
As the night ended, Ali agreed to drive me home. As we were driving out of the venue, I remember that my house keys were on the same key chain as my car keys. I couldn’t go home lol. I needed to see “wedding date” in order for me to sleep in my own bed that night. As Ali was driving, I called him a few times but no answer, I told Ali to drive to his place and I would ring his doorbell.
I was two minutes away from his place when I read a phone message from him. In the message, he told me that he placed my keys in the mailbox in the front of the house. THATS IT, THATS WHAT THE MESSAGE SAID. When I got to his front door, all the lights were off and I didn’t want to disturb him or his roommates, so I reached in the mail box and grabbed my keys. I sent him a message telling him I got them in hopes he would read the message in time to come and greet me at the door. He didn’t come.
I drove home that night with my car and my house keys in hand but feeling a little uneasy. I knew that was the last time I would ever get any messages from him again. Even though I felt like I knew that he wasnt interested in me anymore, I still messaged him that Sunday morning to check up to see if he was feeling better. I got no response. I was also hoping that he still liked me.
Two weeks passed and no messages from “wedding date” so yah, he’s not into me lol. Two weeks after the wedding, I was walking downtown when I saw him with a girl who I can only assume was a new date. Seeing him out with another girl did make me a little hurt knowing that I wasnt the one he wanted. I never cried over it and I don’t think I will because deep down I know we wouldnt have worked out.
Sometimes I wonder what happened that chinese reception dinner that made him change his mind, was it me?, was it my friends? Did I push too hard, Did my friends push him too hard?, was he overwhelmed? Did he see a side of me he didn’t like?….WHO KNOWS…TBH…WHO CARES LOL!!!
Thanks for being my plus one, well more like a plus point five…get it? he showed up for only half of the time hehehe!
laugh, love, date and laugh some more 😉