A little too late for Morocco

I do believe in second chances and that someone who really wants to, can change. I like to be hopeful and as a girl, I will hang on the “hope string”  for way too long. From the first meeting all the way to the present date, sometimes we want a relationship to work so badly that we are willing to sacrifice our feelings. I’ve done this and in the end it always leads to heart-break.

I was dating “Morocco guy” for a few months, we met a little before Halloween and continued to see each other regularly through the early months of 2016. We met online and our first meeting was over coffee at Purple Perk in Missions. I remember it being very cold  that evening and it was hard to start-up my car for the drive to meet him.

Once I got to the meeting point, I remember being nervous as usual but really excited. He got there first and as I walked in, I spotted him right away. He was tall, dark and handsome. As he stood up to greet me, he towered over me which I loved. His complexion was olive-y with bit of a darker tint. We hugged awkwardly and proceeded to the front cash to order out lattes.

The conversation was very similar to the other first dates I have had before. I was comfortable and I think he was too, we were able to hold the conversation and we continued into the evening with a drive around downtown. Originally we wanted to walk around Missions but I wasn’t able to handle the outdoors  since it was -24 out that night. As the night was about to end, he drove me to my car and asked to see me next week.

I kept cool and told him I would check my schedule. Inside I was thrilled of the idea  that he wanted to see me again. I knew I wasn’t busy …lol…however I didn’t want  him too see my true reaction of excitement  just in case I would come off to eager and desperate. I waited until the next day to accept his offer.

We planned the date for Sunday, the Sunday of the week of Halloween. This worked perfectly since we both already had plans with our friends for Halloween festivities that Friday and Saturday. We had the whole week prior to plan and chat, the week of waiting to see each other again allowed us to learn that we both  love Thai food, watching slasher movies and traveling.

We messaged each other constantly throughout the week, at work and after. I remember one night I was working late and I told him I didn’t have time to grab supper. It was 9 o’clock and I could hear my stomach growling….lol. I told him I was on my way home and he suggested that he could stop by to drop me off some food. He made some Moroccan stew and that he had lots left over and was willing to drop some off. I thought he was crazy for wanting to do this. This GESTURE was so sweet, so amazingly nice that I had doubts that he was being serious.

As I drove onto my street to park my car, there he was waiting in his car for me. He actually brought me dinner…WOW!!! He came in my house holding a container of stew and a ziplock bag of bread. He watched me eat as we caught up. He drove 20 minutes to deliver food to me and came in for another 20 minutes to see me. He didn’t try any moves or funny business, he was a gentlemen the whole time. He left as soon as I said I had an early morning, he told me he didn’t want to keep me up :). It was dinner with no strings attached 😉

After that gesture, I could feel that I liked him more than I ever wanted too. He was so caring. “Moroccan guy” really enjoyed cooking and clearly cooking Moroccan cuisine was his specialty. Overtime  I felt bad that he was making me supper weekly so I repaid him by making dessert. This became our thing, date night with a  delicious home cooked moroccan meal and my attempt of a dessert while watching “Narcos” on Netflix.

As the month passed, the holiday season was approaching. Since we weren’t at the stage where our relationship was serious enough meet family,  the holiday season meant that we would be spending a lot of December time apart. I was extremely busy in the month of December and so was he. Finding time meet up was getting really difficult.

January came and we finally had time to get together. We started to see each other regularly again which I really liked, however something felt different. He seemed distant and I started to feel that he wasn’t into me anymore. At this time I wasn’t sure what to think. I tried my best to keep my distance but still on his radar. I wasn’t sure if it was something I did.

I came over one day mid-week for supper and I asked him directly if there was something wrong. He replied by telling me that he hates work, hates being here and he was going through something personal. I tried to be as understanding as possible and told him that if he needed the distance from me then I would understand. He implied that the way he felt had nothing to do with me. I saw him couple more times after this conversation.

A week before Family day weekend in February, we planned to take a mini trip to the mountains to enjoy the long weekend. I was looking forward to this and I thought he did too. Two days before long weekend, he messaged me that he bought a ticket to Winnipeg for the long weekend. He said he wanted get away  from the city and wanted to do something alone. I was extremely upset and called him to confront him. He didn’t pick up but only texted me to tell me he would talk to me after his trip.

I WAS SO UPSET AND CRIED THE WHOLE NIGHT, NOT KNOWING WHAT HE WAS THINKING. I DISLIKED HIM SO MUCH THAT I WANTED TO HURT HIM.

I waited and waited for his message after the long weekend, so we could meet and talk. I NEVER received a call or message after the long weekend. I messaged him a few times after but he never responded.

I waited for two weeks afterwards and realized that I would never see him again. I messaged him to see if he could  return all my belongings. I had clothes, books and all the dessert/bake pans I brought over previously. Still he never answered my messages, I couldn’t believe how much of a coward her was, he didn’t have the guts to face me. His friend finally delivered all my belongings to me at work, a week after my initial request for my stuff.

I was heart-broken for a while after  because I never understood why him and I didn’t work. With all the dates and relationships in the past, I can look back and realize what went wrong.  I looked back at “Moroccan guy” and I COULDNT WRAP MY BRAIN AROUND THE REASONS WHY and this made me extremely emotional.

Three months after I’ve gotten over “Morocco guy”, I received a phone call from him. Since he was still programmed on my phone, the caller ID read his name. Seeing his name on my screen freaked me out and I ended the call immediately  so that it went straight to voicemail. I took a few minutes and thought about him and I concluded that I NEEDED to know why he called. Was it a wrong dial? ….did he accidentally call me or did he really wanted to talk to me? THERE WAS ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT! I called him back!

It was nice hearing his voice again, we greeted awkwardly and chit chatted about being awkward and then he told me the reason why he called me. He wanted to apologize to me about his actions and why he did what he did. The apology was sincere and the fact that he acknowledged that he knew he hurt me was courageous. He had no clue how I was going to respond but he opened up and was completely truthful. He kept on apologizing and hinted at the idea of us dating/being together again.

I took a few seconds to think about the idea of being with him again but deep down I didn’t want to be with him anymore.  It was nice hearing from him again, but I did what was right for me and responded with “thankyou for your apologies, and I’m truly happy that you’re doing better. I wish you the best and I hope everything works out for you”

As much as I want to be in a relationship, I know I want to be with someone who never let me go in the first place.

Linda

 

 

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