One Sided Conversation

Hi, Nice to meet you…im Linda and yes just to warn you- this date is all about me and nothing about you. In the next hour or so of conversation, I will talk for you, over you and I would prefer if you just sit there in silence because once again, if I wasn’t clear enough….THIS DATE WILL BE ALL ABOUT ME AND NOTHING ABOUT YOU! hahahaha

Now if someone took you out and warned you that this was going to happen, would you still go…um heck no lol. Unfortunately, I did go on a date with a guy recently who did this on the date but with no warning. This date happened quite recently and usually I don’t write so soon about I guy I just went on a date with however he didn’t bother asking anything about me so he probably doesn’t know that I will blog about him.

This is the story; we been trying to get together for a drink for a while now. He was busy with his job and I was busy with life and it just never worked out. He would always ask to see me on such short notice. I remembered the first time he asked if I would be interested in getting together, I said yes and replied with where and when? He didn’t message me back until five days after. After a month of going back and forth we finally agreed to meet on a Sunday at a pub near to my place.

I can’t lie and say I was excited, I wasnt sure how to feel since it was so difficult to make a date to finally meet, I believe I was over it before it even began. I got to the pub few minutes before him, I stayed in my car and saw him park right beside me. I assumed it was him since the parking lot was empty (guess the pub isn’t too popular lol). I got out of my car first and then he followed. I assumed he was nervous since he was fidgety but I asked him if he was and he replied arrogantly with a NO.

I walked towards the pub and I felt that the chemistry between us was already off. Though he didn’t say much yet, my girls intuition in me knew that he wasn’t the man of my dreams….hehehe, he might be another dud. We walked in and sat down, there was no charm, no polite awkwardness but blunt, abrupt motions. We sat down and we began to chat.

I started off the conversation with asking him about his day, he replied and asked me about mine. He then ventured off and continued talking about his work, his family, his trip to Florida, his high school life, his ex girlfriend, his busy schedule, the beer he likes to drink, the last time he partied and……..you get it! lol….all about him, nothing about me.

Do you know the John Mayer song from his first album??? yes the first, I’m old y’all hehehe! I loved John Mayer!!! Well in the song ” my stupid mouth” he says the line ” I played a quick game of chess with the salt and pepper shaker” here he implies that he was awkward and had nothing better to say…..well folks, I was playing with the condiments on the table and my date didn’t even notice.

After a while of listening to his continuous banter of his life, I chuckled out load. He asked what was funny? I told him, I’m laughing because since the moment we got our beer orders in – he hasn’t even asked me a question about myself. I told him I haven’t even said a word in the past fifteen minutes. He was shocked with what I just said and apologized.

After he apologized, he informed me that he doesn’t enjoy silence, therefore he continues to chat to fill the silence…I smiled and said ok. As the date continued, I noticed he was asking me more questions about myself now. However, the atmosphere of the questions was extremely awkward since I knew he was only asking because of what I said. I felt the questions weren’t genuine and he honestly didn’t really care what I had to say. I answered his questions, but I could see he was very anxious to tell me about his experience.

At the end of the date he asked to see me again, well sorta. He implied that we will hang out again! After a few weeks of trying to work out our schedule to meet for the second time, we could never agree of a date and time. I think we both gave up.

Honestly, I am okay with no second date. After much thought, I decided I want to be the self-absorbed one in the relationship 😉 I like to hear myself talk too!

Linda

Live Laugh and DATE!

Passing the neon sings

Hello from Vegas!!! woot woot!

I decided to take a trip to the crazy city of Las Vegas to celebrate the fact that I’m now heading into a new chapter in my life. Yes, welcome to the thirties Linda! Do I feel different? I can’t say that I do, however when I repeat the word thirty, I get this cringy reminder that I’m getting older lol.

A decade has passed and since I turned twenty I might not feel different, but I know that there are so many things that have changed in my life. I am wiser and hopefully a little more maturer then my twenty year old self. My taste in foods, music and my judgement on people are definitely different after 10 more years of living. I’ve grown in knowledge and adapted to a few hard obstacles that I’ve encountered in the past years but overall I can say that my life has been pretty great.

In the 10 years, I’ve changed jobs multiple times lol, felt heart breaks more than once, shared tears and pain with loved ones….yes these are bad things I’ve listed haha, but I’ve also experience my best friends weddings, moved into a place to call my own and formed great freindships….these are some of the good things 😉 EVERYONE EXPERIENCES UPS AND DOWNS IN LIFE AND IM TRULY LUCKY TO SAY THAT IN MY LIFE, THE UPS OUTWEIGH THE DOWNS.

My twenties have been great due to the amazing relationships I have in my life. Without all the wonderful humans in my life that have given me so much support, guidance and endless laughter, the twenties would’ve not been as enjoyable as they were

Though my dating life has also been quite dramatic and crazy: every date, every meeting has also impacted on who I am. I feel that going into the thirties, my dating life will only get harder and probably even more dramatic than before. Heading into the thirties with my twenty year old experience, I feel more confident and optimistic that my “perfect” someone is close. If there isn’t the “perfect” someone in my dating life then that’s ok because I already have the ” perfect” friendships, “perfect” family and “perfect” colleagues that and girl would dream of.

I’m ready for thirties, come on new adventures, new people, new stories!

LOVE, LAUGH AND CONTINUE TO LIVE! YOU LIVE ONCE-MAKE IT COUNT!!

Linda

Repeat, repeat and change

Gosh, it feels like forever since I posted…I want to tell you that I haven’t posted as frequently as before due to my busy glamorous life but in true honesty the breaks I take in between posts are quite dull lol and spent time reflecting on my dating patterns and how to change them.

Dating patterns for me are the repetition of men I see that have very similar traits to each other . The traits that annoyed you, traits that you disliked seem to follow you to the next man you begin to see. Though most women say we don’t want this characteristic and that characteristic…..do we find that we fall into another relationship similar to the last? For me the answer is heck yes!

As much as we say we want change, the question is that do we really? Do I really?? I complain to my friends about me falling into the same trap with dating. I know the solution, however I continue to accept a date with a similar version of the last person. Instead of taking risks and accepting a date with someone I would never imagine going on a date with, I could be missing out on an opportunity to find some one really great!

I feel that there are three types of dating women, 1)women who lists all the traits that men must have to date them, 2) a women who says she will date anyone because she’s so open to possibilities and 3) the women who is the best version of both. I’ve been the women 1 and because my list was so long, it made it difficult for any man to fit my description. Women 1 was too good for everyone and this is why she was alone.

I’ve also been women 2 and my standards were too low that I felt that I was never with quality men which in turn devalued myself. Women 2 had a lot of fun going out all the time but she was left still alone. She was also left with a lot of emotional baggage.

I am at the point now that I want to be women 3 who has standards and values what I have to offer in a relationship as well as wants someone who will bring value to my life. I didn’t figure this out by sticking to be women 1 or 2 but by changing my behavior and the men I was seeing. This is still an ongoing process but allowing myself to be open with people has made it easier for me to communicate and find life more enjoyable in spending time with the right people.

We always heard the phrase “change is good” and I agree! Change is good and if dating isn’t working right now than change it up. If you continue (or if I continue) dating the same way then we will be looping around in circles with heart breaks over and over again.

Dating will always be a trial and error process but one day it will work out….I think? Lol

Love, laugh and continue dating

Linda

No Pizza for You

This is a story about a date I went on with a writer….. yes ooh Lala. He asked if I wanted to meet him at a pub in the northeast, even though it wasn’t central and quite far from where I lived. I agreed to the date and met him at 6pm on Wednesday…um yum! Wing Wednesday!

We arrived at the same time and entered the pub at the same time. This pub was one of the sketchiest pub I ve ever been too. The decor was outdated, the whole place smelled like cigarettes even though it was prohibited inside. It was as if the cigarettes was soaked into the decor , soaked in the carpet for two decades and the owners didn’t bother with renovations lol. When we walked it, I was surprised the whole pub was as busy as it was. The tables were filling quite fast and the bar stools were all occupied.

The waitress noticed us at the entrance and pointed to a table near the back wall. We walked towards the table in the back and seated ourselves. The start of the conversation was kinda awkward but we knew that we had to overcome the awkwardness somehow, so we started off by ordering drinks as quickly as possible. After the drinks we ordered, we ordered some wings and continued the chit chat so we could get to know each other a little more. We chatted and drank for a couple of hours at the pub and we joked about the fact that we didn’t belong there since we were the only minorities at that pub. We laughed and poked fun at each other.

When the night ended, we separated but not before he asked to take me out again. I accepted his offer and we planned to get together for a movie on Saturday. That Saturday, I unfortunately had to bail due to something that came up at work. That Saturday morning, I messaged him explaining the reason why I had to bail and told him that I would reschedule once I figured out my schedule for the following week.

Now he probably thought I was just making an excuse and I wasn’t interested in seeing him again and sometimes the case is true but not in this case. I did want to see him again. I hate it when guys postpone on me or when they bail last-minute. I didn’t want to be “that girl” who does the same, so therefore I wanted to make it up.

To make up for the last-minute cancellation, I asked him if he was free during the week to come over for supper. I was excited that he agreed to coming over that following Thursday. I thought of creating pizzas for supper. I decided that I would get different ingredients where we can build our own pizzas, this would be a fun interactive date where I can also see his skills in the kitchen lol.

I finished work at 5pm and asked my best friend to go grocery shopping with me so she could help me get the right ingredients for my date. We went through the aisles of Safeway quickly and during the time at Safeway I made sure to message him so he could tell me his dislikes and likes for toppings on his pizza. He texted me back that he was open to everything so this made shopping quite easy.

I got home a little before 6pm and I asked him to come over at 7pm. I prepped all the veggies in bowls, I had a few options of sauces just in case he was adventurous. I love pesto on pizza so maybe he would too, but in case he didn’t I bought mariana sauce as well.

It was 7pm and he had not arrived, I looked at my phone a little after 7pm and he messaged me, telling me he was running late. I was a little irritated that he was late but happy that he messaged me to inform me. I looked at the time continuously and watched 7pm turn to 7:15, then 7:30 and then finally he was there at my place at 7:40. I was still irritated but I knew that by me being upset would only turn the date to becoming even worse.

He walked in , he apologized and gifted me a bottle of wine. I smiled and proceeded into the kitchen where I asked him if he was “ready to make pizza?” and he responded that he wasn’t really hungry. I was shocked by his answer. He told me he ate beforehand and he was still full. I asked him why he ate if he knew I was doing pizza? He said he was hungry and couldn’t wait.

I was extremely irritated now, I kept my cool and told him that I was hungry and he could just watch me eat then. I made my pizza and placed in the oven and waited for it to be ready. In the meantime, while he was trying to flirt and conversate with me, I CONTINUED TO SMILED BUT INSIDE I WAS EXTREMELY UPSET!

WHY WOULD YOU AGREE TO HAVE SUPPER AT MY PLACE AND NOT EAT. WHY WOULD YOU EAT BEFORE HAND WHEN YOU KNOW I WAS PLANNING TO FEED YOU. WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME YOU LIKE ANYTHING/EVERYTHING ON A PIZZA AND NOT EXPECT TO EAT PIZZA THAT NIGHT. WHY WOULD YOU WASTE MY TIME GOING TO THE GROCERY STORE. WHY DID YOU WASTE MY TIME!!!!!

I held my emotions as long as I could but after few minutes of pondering on the reason why he possibly ate beforehand…. I BLEW UP!!! I told him that he was rude and so inconsiderate for eating before hand. I told him he was ridiculous and stupid and for a man who was in his thirties, he should’ve known better. He of course got upset and stormed out of my place. I have never seen a guy leave as fast as he did. As he was storming out he told me I was a crazy bitch and I was nothing like the woman he met ON the first date.

Um YAH OF COURSE I WAS DIFFERENT, of course I wasn’t the same woman. The first date I didn’t offer to cook for you, the second date I did and you denied it. Now im not a certified chef or anything but at least try before you deny. SERIOUSLY!

Laugh love date

Linda

LOVE the Holiday Love

Christmas is one of my favorite holidays, there is nothing about it that I don’t like. I love holiday baking, the decorations, the lights, the drinks, the festive cheer…I can go on and on but the one thing that stands out for me is the joy and happiness that surrounds this festive holiday season. Every year I look forward to the month of December where I get to catch up with friends and of course my FAMILY.

The people who do know me best, know exactly what I mean when I say “I love Christmas”. They know how much I love spending the holidays with my family. They know how much I speak highly of my family shenanigans throughout the week of Christmas. My family is really awesome. Yep, I am biased…I know lol! Every Christmas I can promise myself that I will experience the following:

fun times
inappropriate jokes/ laughing so hard till you cry
great food/continuous food
endless drinks
so much love….cheesey I know!

Usually the Holiday season is reminder that I am alone and that I am single but to be honest after the few moments of thinking about being single, my mind resorts back to how lucky I am to be filled with the best companions of all….MY FAMILY. They are the best people to have around the holiday season, with them there is no judgement, no wondering what the other person is thinking and no self-doubt in the wonderment if I will see them in the next three or six months …lol!

With my FAMILY, I can truly just be myself and enjoy every moment being with them. I enjoy their company every day but its difficult to combine 17 people under one roof all the time so therefore having one special day where we can come together really makes it special for all of us. As lives change and additions to the family keep adding on, it’s truly amazing that we love seeing each other still.

To all the attached people out there, if you were happy with the company you had over the holiday season then you conquered the greatest thing of all. It doesn’t matter if you shared love with just one, small few or the largest group…if you felt that you spent your Christmas with the most important people in your life then you should be happy. To all the single people out there, you’re never alone. The feeling of happiness comes from you and your understanding and appreciation of all the great people around you. That feeling that you get with the relationships you have in your life, should be enough.

Now don’t get me wrong, having a special someone is still on my mind but I honestly believe that if you by-pass the most important relationship you were given in your life..ie the relationship with your parents, brothers, cousins, nieces and nephews then how can you make a relationship with a stranger work out?

Love yourself, Love the people around you then the one relationship you’re searching for will magically appear 😉

Have a wonderful holiday season and take advantage of the last few days in 2017!

Love, Laugh, Date!

Linda

VanCity heart break

Sometimes do you scroll through your instagram feed and accidentally run into a picture of someone who you sorta/kinda remember. Well, I have and this usually leads to me looking at the pic a few seconds longer than I want too. I always stare at the pic and think and wonder what that person is up to now. Few weeks ago I was scrolling on Instagram and came across a pic of a man I kinda/sorta know and a women. This is a man who will never know how much of impact he had on me.

During the month March 2015, I went to Vancouver to visit my best friend to celebrate my Birthday. I was so excited to take a little break from work and Calgary, so I knew that it was going to be a great long weekend for me. She showed me around the city and her favorite places she discovered around VanCity since she moved out there. We caught up with old friends and spent a lot of long nights reminiscing about the past, gossiped and of course spoke about men. At this time I wasn’t seeing anyone or had anyone that I was interested in so being very open about boys and relationship was easy.

I told her that I wanted to try out online dating while I was out in Vancouver…maybe catch a few free drink dates and get new stories/new company for her and I….LOL. The fact that she was open to it was awesome, but secretly I think she knew that I would be way too much of a coward to meet someone so fast. Knowing myself, I need the long rapport through constant messaging before a meet. The fact is- I was only there for a weekend and a weekend would be way too short of a notice for me to be comfortable with meeting a stranger…….(this was 2015…..my opinion on this matter has changed hehehehe)

Over the weekend, I did have a few ongoing conversation with men around VanCity, however I didn’t end up meeting any of them. One of the guys actually did ask me to meet up for drinks at a Gastown pub but unfortunately I was flying out that day so we weren’t able to meet. After I told him I was not able to, I assumed he would want to end the conversation with me since I was not local anymore but he still messaged and asked to do video chat with me while I was in Calgary and him in Vancouver. I continued chatting with him for six months. Yes, I started to chat with him in March and continued until August.

While he and I were messaging each other daily, I was also dating others. Since it was kinda long distance and this new dating game has no rules, we accepted the fact that we were far apart and were okay with each other seeing other people. I told him about my life, my work and the occasion coffee dates I went on…the good and the bad. He gave me constant affirmation and spoke the truth when it came to men and my dates. It was nice to have someone to talk to who boosted your self-esteem after a nightmare of a date. After every date, he was there. He was there to reassure how great I was and ask if I was ok.

As I opened up to him, he started to open up to me. He told me about his past relationship, his heart-break and how he was finding ways to pick himself back up from a relationship that he wasn’t sure he wanted to end. There were a few times he asked me come a meet him in Vancouver but with work and with my finances it was hard to make time to go over there for summer.

Finally summer was over and Fall approached and the weeks leading up to September, I told him I was going to be back in Vancouver to visit my best friend again and that we should meet up. I thought he would be excited but his reaction wasn’t what I expected. He responded by asking that I was going to Vancouver for ME and not for HIM. In true honesty…..I WAS GOING OUT TO VANCOUVER FOR MY BEST FRIEND but meeting him would be like a cherry on top!

You know how this ends…..I flew out and the day that we were supposed to meet…he BACKED OUT. I remember the exact moment when I received his long ass text telling me that he wasn’t ready to meet me. I was at sushi restaurant in Yaletown for dinner with my best friend when I got the text. I started tearing up and excused myself to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet for at least five minutes as I whimpered in the bathroom stall. Six months of conversation and he DIDNT want to meet? 😦

In my crazy imaginative mind, I really thought we would meet and hit it off and he would be wanting to spend the rest of the days I was in Vancouver with me. I thought my visit will be filled with laughs, joy and he would be convincing me to stay. I know I’m one of those CRAZY ASS girls that get way too ahead of themselves, the girl who becomes way to attached. I NEED HELP!!!

Looking back, my reaction to the rejection was horrible. I cried thinking about the rejection the whole night. I spent the next day on the beach trying to get over it and in which Aziz Nasari’s book really helped. This book was the reason why I smiled though the streaming tears. He had his reasons why he didn’t meet me and its ok. Things happen and even though it was painful at that moment of heart-break, it’s always better that you took the initial rejection and turn it to positive outlook on yourself, your love life. I was hurt, now I’m not…..lol.

The thing I learned from talking to him and messaging him throughout the six months is how easy it is to open up to a stranger. I loved the fact that I can be open and honest with him with no feeling of judgement from him. For the time we messaged and spoke to one another, he gave me confidence to be comortable with myself. Before him, I’ve always felt that online dating was filled with fake perceptions and games that needed to be played right but with him it was nothing like that.

The photo I came across on Instagram was of him and his new girlfriend. They looked cute and happy together. Though I did not get the happy ending I was wanted with him, I’m extremely happy that two strangers were able to find eachother.

Love is everywhere.

Linda

A little too late for Morocco

I do believe in second chances and that someone who really wants to, can change. I like to be hopeful and as a girl, I will hang on the “hope string” for way too long. From the first meeting all the way to the present date, sometimes we want a relationship to work so badly that we are willing to sacrifice our feelings. I’ve done this and in the end it always leads to heart-break.

I was dating “Morocco guy” for a few months, we met a little before Halloween and continued to see each other regularly through the early months of 2016. We met online and our first meeting was over coffee at Purple Perk in Missions. I remember it being very cold that evening and it was hard to start-up my car for the drive to meet him.

Once I got to the meeting point, I remember being nervous as usual but really excited. He got there first and as I walked in, I spotted him right away. He was tall, dark and handsome. As he stood up to greet me, he towered over me which I loved. His complexion was olive-y with bit of a darker tint. We hugged awkwardly and proceeded to the front cash to order out lattes.

The conversation was very similar to the other first dates I have had before. I was comfortable and I think he was too, we were able to hold the conversation and we continued into the evening with a drive around downtown. Originally we wanted to walk around Missions but I wasn’t able to handle the outdoors since it was -24 out that night. As the night was about to end, he drove me to my car and asked to see me next week.

I kept cool and told him I would check my schedule. Inside I was thrilled of the idea that he wanted to see me again. I knew I wasn’t busy …lol…however I didn’t want him too see my true reaction of excitement just in case I would come off to eager and desperate. I waited until the next day to accept his offer.

We planned the date for Sunday, the Sunday of the week of Halloween. This worked perfectly since we both already had plans with our friends for Halloween festivities that Friday and Saturday. We had the whole week prior to plan and chat, the week of waiting to see each other again allowed us to learn that we both love Thai food, watching slasher movies and traveling.

We messaged each other constantly throughout the week, at work and after. I remember one night I was working late and I told him I didn’t have time to grab supper. It was 9 o’clock and I could hear my stomach growling….lol. I told him I was on my way home and he suggested that he could stop by to drop me off some food. He made some Moroccan stew and that he had lots left over and was willing to drop some off. I thought he was crazy for wanting to do this. This GESTURE was so sweet, so amazingly nice that I had doubts that he was being serious.

As I drove onto my street to park my car, there he was waiting in his car for me. He actually brought me dinner…WOW!!! He came in my house holding a container of stew and a ziplock bag of bread. He watched me eat as we caught up. He drove 20 minutes to deliver food to me and came in for another 20 minutes to see me. He didn’t try any moves or funny business, he was a gentlemen the whole time. He left as soon as I said I had an early morning, he told me he didn’t want to keep me up :). It was dinner with no strings attached 😉

After that gesture, I could feel that I liked him more than I ever wanted too. He was so caring. “Moroccan guy” really enjoyed cooking and clearly cooking Moroccan cuisine was his specialty. Overtime I felt bad that he was making me supper weekly so I repaid him by making dessert. This became our thing, date night with a delicious home cooked moroccan meal and my attempt of a dessert while watching “Narcos” on Netflix.

As the month passed, the holiday season was approaching. Since we weren’t at the stage where our relationship was serious enough meet family, the holiday season meant that we would be spending a lot of December time apart. I was extremely busy in the month of December and so was he. Finding time meet up was getting really difficult.

January came and we finally had time to get together. We started to see each other regularly again which I really liked, however something felt different. He seemed distant and I started to feel that he wasn’t into me anymore. At this time I wasn’t sure what to think. I tried my best to keep my distance but still on his radar. I wasn’t sure if it was something I did.

I came over one day mid-week for supper and I asked him directly if there was something wrong. He replied by telling me that he hates work, hates being here and he was going through something personal. I tried to be as understanding as possible and told him that if he needed the distance from me then I would understand. He implied that the way he felt had nothing to do with me. I saw him couple more times after this conversation.

A week before Family day weekend in February, we planned to take a mini trip to the mountains to enjoy the long weekend. I was looking forward to this and I thought he did too. Two days before long weekend, he messaged me that he bought a ticket to Winnipeg for the long weekend. He said he wanted get away from the city and wanted to do something alone. I was extremely upset and called him to confront him. He didn’t pick up but only texted me to tell me he would talk to me after his trip.

I WAS SO UPSET AND CRIED THE WHOLE NIGHT, NOT KNOWING WHAT HE WAS THINKING. I DISLIKED HIM SO MUCH THAT I WANTED TO HURT HIM.

I waited and waited for his message after the long weekend, so we could meet and talk. I NEVER received a call or message after the long weekend. I messaged him a few times after but he never responded.

I waited for two weeks afterwards and realized that I would never see him again. I messaged him to see if he could return all my belongings. I had clothes, books and all the dessert/bake pans I brought over previously. Still he never answered my messages, I couldn’t believe how much of a coward her was, he didn’t have the guts to face me. His friend finally delivered all my belongings to me at work, a week after my initial request for my stuff.

I was heart-broken for a while after because I never understood why him and I didn’t work. With all the dates and relationships in the past, I can look back and realize what went wrong. I looked back at “Moroccan guy” and I COULDNT WRAP MY BRAIN AROUND THE REASONS WHY and this made me extremely emotional.

Three months after I’ve gotten over “Morocco guy”, I received a phone call from him. Since he was still programmed on my phone, the caller ID read his name. Seeing his name on my screen freaked me out and I ended the call immediately so that it went straight to voicemail. I took a few minutes and thought about him and I concluded that I NEEDED to know why he called. Was it a wrong dial? ….did he accidentally call me or did he really wanted to talk to me? THERE WAS ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT! I called him back!

It was nice hearing his voice again, we greeted awkwardly and chit chatted about being awkward and then he told me the reason why he called me. He wanted to apologize to me about his actions and why he did what he did. The apology was sincere and the fact that he acknowledged that he knew he hurt me was courageous. He had no clue how I was going to respond but he opened up and was completely truthful. He kept on apologizing and hinted at the idea of us dating/being together again.

I took a few seconds to think about the idea of being with him again but deep down I didn’t want to be with him anymore. It was nice hearing from him again, but I did what was right for me and responded with “thankyou for your apologies, and I’m truly happy that you’re doing better. I wish you the best and I hope everything works out for you”

As much as I want to be in a relationship, I know I want to be with someone who never let me go in the first place.

Linda