We all heard a stories about a friend or a friend of friend who travelled far distances to meet their significant other. We heard about the friend of a friend who fell in love online and then met with this stranger and then within three months they got married and live happily ever after. C’mon, we know these stories, they are feel good stories that we repeat to give hope to ourselves and to others so that heart-break will be less painful.
I’ve always been very skeptical of these stories however in the back of my mind, I wonder if a crazy love story like that could happen to be me. Could I be part of the small percentage that falls in love with an online friend, Could I be the one that is willing to move across seas to find love, did I convince myself to buy a plane ticket to meet someone in hopes of funding THE ONE? …..UUUUMMMMM YES!
Now the question is, did this plane ticket turn out to be a magical happily ever after… the answer is no…HECK NO!
Last summer, I swiped on man who I absolutely regret on swiping yes to. He seemed fun, funny and quite social. We began messaging each other throughout the summer months and once I felt comfortable enough, I wanted to meet up with him. I noticed on his profile that his location changed. His location was not in Calgary anymore but in Toronto. When I saw the location change the first thing I remember was cursing at my luck lol. I messaged him that since he’s in Toronto there is no way of us meeting and there is no point in us messaging since the logistics wouldn’t work out. He replied and kept insisting that we should still chat since he comes to YYC often to visit his family, he continued to say that he was looking for a greater reason to come back to YYC…..right…charmer isn’t he?
The messaging continued and then we exchanged numbers so we could message each other throughout the day. I loved getting day messages from him, he made me feel excited and happy. As messages increased we began to do lengthy phone calls at night. He was so sweet and very easy to talk to. The conversations always started with chit and chat about the our daily happenings which led to more serious talks about our pasts, our families and friends.
During this time I was seeing someone else but not seriously, I was open and honest that I was sorta dating around. I was keeping my options open. He didn’t mind since he understood the circumstance, we were far apart and we didn’t really know each other. However he kept telling me that I should stop dating around since I already found the one…clearly he was talking about himself.
Talks continued for a week or so and one night he asked if I would like to see him in Toronto. I told him that I have never been to Toronto but I would love to experience it. He told me how great Toronto was, he mentioned numerous times how much he could imagine me living in Toronto. He explained how much I would love it there. He offered to fly me out to see him but the idea of him wanting to fly me there was crazy. I told him it was too soon and I wasn’t comfortable enough to jump on the offer.
The fact that he wanted to fly me out was extremely crazy but secretly I thought it was so charming and endearing that he would offer such a big gesture. He was willing spend so much on a ticket just to spend time with me, the whole idea of it really excited me. I didn’t say no but I didn’t say yes….I said I would think about it.
After a few weeks after the initial talk of me going to Toronto, he asked me if I would come out in a few months to attend a wedding he was going to as his plus one. He reasoned with me that it would give enough time (month and half) to know each other through conversation before meeting. I agreed and he seemed super thrilled that I agreed I would come to see him in a few months. He began looking for cheap plane tickets. Daily, he would ask me if I requested time off yet, he sent me links of flight deals while at work and told me he was ready to buy as soon as I gave him the dates. I said I could only come for the weekend but he always pushed me to try to get a few more extra days off. He sent me videos of the things we could do while I was there. He told me he would pick me up from the airport and we would go on a mini road trip to Niagara Falls. HE KNEW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO AND WHAT TO SAY TO FOR ME TO LIKE HIM JUST A LITTLE MORE.
I discussed this situation with my best friend and her husband and they gave me the advice to go ahead with meeting him but make sure to be extremely cautious. My best friend advised me to get my own flights so I was in control of the situation and that I wouldn’t feel the obligation of being under his control or have the feeling that I owed him anything afterwards. After much thought, I agreed with her.
One night while I was at home, I came to the decision that I was going to go through with going to Toronto. I looked online for cheap flights and West Jet was having a seat sale. I looked at the dates and in just a few clicks I was flying to Toronto on October 20th.
I called him right after to tell him that I bought the tickets, I wanted to hear his reaction. I called and it went voicemail…I was disappointed but I told myself I would wait a while and call him again. I waited for thirty minutes and I couldn’t wait anymore. I needed to tell him so I sent him a message. I waited for his response and finally after twenty minutes he replied with emoji signs and told how happy he was that I was coming. He told me he was in the middle of a gig that’s why he couldn’t answer (he was a DJ at night and PR rep for a toy company during the day). I told him it was ok and I was heading to bed and we could talk tomorrow.
In the morning, he messaged me and told me that he was excited for the weekend. His friends from YYC was visiting and he was planning to be hanging with his boys the whole three days…Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I told him that sounds like a lot of fun and that this weekend my parents were in YYC visiting so we were both going to be occupied for the next few days. I implied that I would still like messages throughout the weekend and he said of course.
On Friday night, he told he was going to stand up comedy show with his boys and how much fun he was having, this was the last message he sent me. On Saturday, I messaged him in the late afternoon, he never responded. During this time I still thought he was completely occupied with his friend so I didn’t think anything of it. On Sunday, I messaged him in the evening asking if his weekend was dying down yet? still no reply.
After a couple hours later from the last message, I began to feel it. The feeling of being heart broken! I felt the sad emotion of being rejected again…..though he didn’t tell me with words his actions of ignoring my messages said it all. I knew that he had GHOSTED me but I hung on the tiny hope that maybe it was a mistake.
I looked at his social media and began to realize that he had blocked me from every form of communication. My phone calls were going to straight to voicemail. BLOCKED. My messages on whats app. BLOCKED. On Instagram. BLOCKED.
At this moment, I was freaking out….I called my best friend to see if she could view him on Instagram….maybe there was a glitch on Instagram and he didn’t mean to block me? maybe he lost his phone or it died and that’s why my phone calls were going to voicemail? Any excuse I could come up with, I repeated over and over again in hopes that it wasn’t true. THE TRUTH WAS HE PLAYED ME AND I FELL FOR IT!
BEGINNING OF JULY- found eachother online
MIDDLE OF JULY- messaging online
END OF JULY- exchange numbers and messaging through text
BEGINNING AUGUST- messages daily and late night calls
SECOND WEEK IN AUGUST-asked me to visist Toronto
THIRD WEEK IN AUGUST- convinces me to fly to Toronto
AUGUST 27TH- get opinions from besties on going to Toronto
AUGUST 30TH- I surprised him with tickets
SEPTEMBER 1ST- last message he sends me
SEPTEMBER 3RD- realization that I he officially GHOSTED me.
I can’t belive that this happened to me, that I fell so fast for someone who I didn’t even know. I can’t belive that he had the charm to convince me to go and fly across the country to meet him. I question everything…was everything he said all talk??? when he offered to fly me out, did he actually have no intention to fly me out. Was it all talk? did he think I would’ never agreed to come? I jumped on the fantasy that this plane ticket might have led me to happily ever after…why am I so crazy? lol
After the realization I was ghosted, the pain sank in. He will never know how much pain I was in. I was a mess for weeks. I couldn’t think straight and no matter what I did , I just cried!! The feeling of heart break, sadness of betrayal and trying to understand how a human can be so cold and use me for a thrill made it so difficult for me to function. The sadness consumed me for a while and no matter what I did, I couldnt get out of this emotional funk fast enough.
I knew that eventually I would be ok, since ive experience heart-break before but this one was the hardest. It’s crazy because I’ve discussed this over and over again with friends and the fact that I never met him impacted me more than anyone that I have met in person. WHY? I think the fantasy of him was so strong that I thought he was perfect and real, therefore making it ten times harder for me to let go of something so imaginary.
Thank goodness for the great support in my left that helped me through it. Thanks for the people that allowed me to crash at their place because I couldnt be alone, thanks for my bestie that would go to dinner with me in silence because I wasnt able to speak and thanks to the ones that just hugged me when I needed a hug.
You broke me, but im stronger because of it!
LOVE, LAUGH AND MOVE ON 🙂