Long Live the first

Here is a little more information about me….maybe a little too much information hehehe. I started online dating only three years ago and its crazy too say that in the past three years, it has been a whirlwind of dates. I have been lucky enough and unlucky enough in having the chance  to get to know the many different men that have walked in and OUT of my life.

Social media has been a gateway for me to meet people and it still is. I remember when online dating was a taboo and it was embarrassing to  admit that I was meeting people online and now its become this norm. Right now I don’t know any single women or men that have not or is currently  using some sort of social media to obtain dates. When I first started , it was intimating and scary. I wasn’t quite sure how to go about the idea of dating online?

I understand why online dating is at its peak right now, its easy and at a click aka the swipe of the screen we could be on a date in just a few hours. Now I know what your thinking….swiping for a date Linda??? or swiping for a booty call??? lol!!! Anyone and everyone who knows me, knows I’m old school and I need food first 😉

Three years ago, I found a boy online that I felt I could talk too. Since he was my first boy that I chatted with, I wasn’t quite sure how to flirt or communicate through text, the first few conversations I had with him were very dull and direct….

This is example of how some of the first conversations went:

HIM- ” hey gorgeous, how are you”

ME- “Good”

ME- “how are you”

ME- “you are attractive to btw”

HIM- “what are you up to this Friday? I’m surprised a girl like you isn’t out ;)”

ME- “I’m tired, going to sleep early”

HIM -“OOOhhh bed early hey?”

ME- “yep early”

HIM- “lol ok hahaha”

Seriously Linda, this is you being flirty?? I’m shocked that he continued to message me.

It took me a few messages but I finally understood the art of ‘message flirting’ not ‘sexting’ but flirting lol! Believe me I didn’t  conquer this with the first man I encountered through the web but learned the hard way after noticing the pattern of men who STOPPED MESSAGING ME AFTER  6 BUBBLES …..lol

*what is a bubble…? A bubble to me is speech balloon, I call them bubbles lol! this would be a classic online conversation I had with men…..nothing more then 6 bubbles hahaha!

bubble1-Boy: hey Linda, how are you?

bubble2-Linda: I’m doing pretty good, how are you?

bubble3-Boy: thats nice to hear, what did you do today?

bubble4-Boy: just about to head out to catch the ballgame, you play any sports?

bubble5– Linda: I just worked and now I’m home

bubble6-Linda: no I do not.

WOW…LINDA SOUNDS SO INVITING AND WARM….LOL,

The realization that I was MESSAGING ALL WRONG didn’t come easy!  Having a conversation with a stranger is hard enough but to actually attract another human in an engaging conversation is even more difficult. There is the need of balance in a conversation, you have to make sure you are revealing some but not too much, messaging messages to show your interested without coming off as too eager or too easy. Believe me this did take me a lot of trying and failing to figure the best way to communicate flirting.

This boy, the first boy continued with my boring/dull chats for about two weeks until he finally asked to meet up. I remember how nervous I was, just thinking about him gave me butterflies. He worked as a finance guy at a bank and he volunteered on the weekends to teach Kids martial arts. He was a professional fighter in jiu-jitsu which I especially loved! He was smart, sweet and responsible, all qualities that I really looked for in a guy.

We met in McKenzie Town at the pub besides Davids tea (I don’t remember the pub name…my bad!) We met during the week and I was so nervous, my palms were sweaty and I called my friend beforehand just so I can ease my nerves. I walked into the pub and stood at the entrance until the hostess asked me if she could help. I didn’t want to tell her why I was there or who I was meeting so I told her its ok, my friend was waiting for me inside and I can find him on my own. He wasn’t my friend or acquaintance; he was stranger but do I tell the hostess that?

“Sorry hostess, I need you to help me find this potential stranger that may or may not look like his profile pic. I don’t know what I’m looking for but I think he may be tall, big build and handsome with a great personality…maybe? can you lead me to that please? wtf?”

I called him and he said he was inside right by the windows. I glanced around the pub and noticed him right away. He smiled and I walked towards him. He got off his seat and stood and greeted me and then hugged me. That was really sweet 😉

I was nervous throughout the whole date,  I tried to hide it from him but the fact that I was trying so hard to be cool, only made me more nervous thinking about how to act. What people don’t know is that when I get extremely nervous, my upper lip twitches…so embarrassing, however I think I contained it well since he didn’t say anything lol. (I think my twitch isn’t noticeable since none of my friends or family have ever said anything to me….or its because they keep it to themselves so they won’t hurt my feelings?? who knows lol)

After I left the pub, my girlfriend called me and asked me how it was. I told her exactly what happened and how nervous I was. I was so happy that I got through it. She asked me if I was planning to see him again and to be honest I wasn’t sure, though he was nice and easy to talk to, I didn’t feel anything for him. I didn’t feel a romantic connection and I wasn’t attracted to him as much as I was to his online profile.

He messaged me after the pub and said it was nice meeting me and he would like to see me again. After some thought, I realize I didn’t have anything to lose and I needed more time together to get to know him.

I continued onto a second date with him a week after. We met on a Saturday night and we had dinner at Cleaver on 17th. During this time, Cleaver was a new restaurant that just opened. We both spoke about how we wanted to try this new restaurant during our first meeting,  so we decided Cleaver would be the perfect location to meet on the second date.

Dinner went well, the food was great and the conversation was great. Throughout dinner we had three drinks each so the great date was turning to be an amazing date as the night progressed 😉 I am not picky when it comes to food, I love trying new things and to be honest all food is yummy to me 😉 Because I am easy when it comes to food, he ordered. He ordered a few dishes that were tapas style to share and then a few deserts to share at the end.  I loved all of it  and I think, we were both amazed at the food and enjoyed every aspect of the restaurant.

As we finished the last drinks, I definitely felt the alcohol kick in, I leaned forward with both elbows on the table just so I can be closer to him. I remember laughing louder than normal. I was feeling amazing and for a moment , I was truly happy to be there with him.

The bill came to the table and there was an awkward moment of who was going to get the bill. I caught him looking at it but no hand reached for it so I finally did. OK, now here is the dilemma and the great debate….im a little old school and I believe in equality and sharing, however when it comes to ‘wooing’ me, I do feel that a man should pick up the first bill. When I grabbed it, he didn’t say anything to stop me. So you know where I’m going  with this lol……he ordered, he asked me out and now I’m paying lol!!! whaaattt??? We didn’t even “go dutch”. I laid my cash on the table and he grabbed the bill and my cash and brought it to the waiter…..wait…did he do this to make it look like he paid? whaattt? seriously? Am I crazy for thinking this lol!

He thanked me for dinner and walked me to my car, he leaned in for a kiss but after  his action of not picking up the bill-I was so NOT impressed and a kiss was definitely off the menu for the night.

I got over this quite quickly and I decided to forget that I paid and he didn’t. I began telling myself that I was  stupid  for wanting him to pick up the bill. I decided to continuing chatting with him and see where this was going to go. He apparently didn’t feel the same.

After a free meal from me and a few short messages after, this boy faded off and never messaged me again…womp womp….

yep that was the first online date I went on hehehe 😦

 

 

 

 

 

Bad Boys for Life

It’s really strange how most girls want a bad boy, what is the appeal of this….the bad ass personality, the possibility of being dominated, is it a status that we feel when we found someone who tends to bend the rules? I’ve always asked myself  ‘why am I attracted to bad boys?’ Maybe it stems from possibly father issues, maybe because of social media or is it because all girls want a ‘bad boy’ so therefore I do too lol :(. So its more a competitive thing hmmmmm lol???

I met Leo  (not real name) on a Thursday evening at a coffee shop downtown, I arrived there first and I was nervous as usual. I don’t know if others feel the same way I do on the first meeting, but its a mix emotions of feeling nervousness but still excited, feelings of being scared of the possibility of being stood up but still hopeful that the guy will be great. I try to be optimistic for every date I go on but I also know the feeling of being disappointed and hurt, being disappointed and hurt sometimes comes just as often as excitement when it comes to online dating or dating in general. I’ve been stood up before so now I mentally prep myself all the time, just in case that happens again. ( getting stood up for the first time is another story)

Since I was early, I debated back and forth if I should take off the million of layers that I had on, but I also didn’t want to come off too eager  like I’ve been there waiting for him for a lifetime so I decided to take a seat with all my layers in tact and only half zip the parka I had on. It was WINTER in Calgary so I was wearing 4 layers. I had on a T-shirt, then a sweat shirt and then a chunky cardigan over the sweater and finally my parka….lol how attractive 😉

I waited and waited and still no one, 5 minutes turned to 10 minutes and I started to freak out. I was about to give him call but as soon as I picked up my phone he walked in and sat down. He apologized that he a few minutes late, he told me he came straight from work and traffic was bad. He was working as an engineer of some sort at some office that I didn’t really know much about. He sold me at the word ENGINEER, hehehehe!

As he sat down, I stood up and began taking off the one of my many layers I had on. He looked up as I struggled taking off my over bundled parka…..this was funny and I assumed he found it cute that I was struggling so he assisted while smirking at me while helping me pull off my sleeve.

We lined up at the cashier and ordered our drinks and chit chatted about what we did so far in the day, we ordered two London fogs and went back to the table where we originally left our belongings.

We sat back at the table and it started off a little awkward, he told me in the first few minutes of our conversation that I was his first ‘ blind date” and he hasn’t met anyone online before. This put a lot of pressure on me since I wasn’t sure what he expected, maybe he felt very underwhelmed by my first impression, maybe he thought I duped him lol!

I started off with asking a lot of questions about him….like simple questions like do you have pet? He answered with a lot of closed ended answers, his responses made it very difficult to start at conversation. I laughed and I made a comment implying he was at fault for making the conversation between us so dull. He then responded with a giggle and then started to ask me questions. By now I think we overcame the awkward silence and now we were settled in and we were able to hold an ongoing conversation.

The conversation went deep fast and to this day I’m shocked by how much he revealed to me about his past. After a few laughs, he opened up. The thing that amazed me was his openness and his willingness to share about his family, his friend and his PAST ACTIONS.

Sometimes too much information becomes too intense for a coffee date and in turn becomes a huge turn off , however the information he shared with me was quite heavy but I enjoyed hearing about them. These stories might have made girls run away from him before, I however was intrigued and I pushed him to reveal more about his past.

hmmmmmm curious???? what made him a bad boy??

Well when Leo began spilling his dirty secrets this is what he revealed; that he had a troublesome past and that the rules wasn’t his friend at the age of 16-24. He seen the power of greed from men who wanted wealth fast, he has also fallen in the hands of greed and in which he was fixated on money schemes, drug life and gang warfare. Leo told me stories about his run ins with the law  when he was 16 and how he fell into the cycle of loathing himself for the actions he did but then loving the reward of dirty money.

He explained how he was able overcome the odds and why he moved here to the city. To get away from all the negative influences in his life, he pursued to finish his education and make a new name for himself. The fact that he was able to move on from his past so quickly and then to become a successful engineer made him even more attractive. Yes, his physical appearance appealed to me from the start but his story of overcoming what he went through really impressed me.

Leo said that he was lucky that he was able to accomplish what he has so far, he told me that he had a lot of family members that were still involved in his illegal past, some family members and friends were still struggling from their past actions. I always asked him, if he regretted his past and if he could re- live and undo what he grew up in….would he? Leo’s response was always ‘no’! He told me his past made him who he is and that he only hated the part in his life where he got caught.

Leo and I saw each other a few times after and I remember on the last time I ever saw him, the topic of his past was brought up. I don’t remember how we got into an argument  but I knew what the argument was about. Leo implied that he missed his past life, he missed the adrenalin rush, the excitement of fast money, the high life. The fact that he was telling me this made me angry since I could never understand why someone would want to go back to that kinda of lifestyle.

I asked why? he responded by saying, I could be making so much more…..(seriously?)

After the argument, we calmed down and I PRETENDED that he didn’t mean what he said. We spent the night together and he left the next day. A few days after, he texted me a message saying that I was a nice girl but he didn’t want to GET ME INVOLVED, that I didn’t belong in his LIFE.

Bad Boys for Money $$$

 

 

Almost Perfect

Throughout the years, I’ve collected some bad stories but there is some good dates that I I’ve experienced as well. This story is about this great guy and even though the conversation we had went great , the date was great, somehow the first date never made it to the second meeting. I always wonder why that is?? Here comes the self reflecting and a little bit of self loathing. DEEP DOWN, I know why, it was because I was shallow and vein and I wasn’t able to see past the appearance 😦 I wanted this perfect image in my mind and at that time I wasn’t able to let go of this imaginary ideal that I always imagined myself to be with.

Now “almost perfect” guy  wasn’t unattractive , he just wasn’t what the typical guy I would normally see. He was rugged, bearded and a little taller than me. He was sweet and sensitive, quite cultured and open to the idea of experiencing new things and thrived on learning.  RIGHT!!!!??? why did I give him up lol! I’m pretty sure my best friend found him quite attractive and to be honest, I’m pretty sure many other women would too 😉

Back then, I wanted a clean-cut business professional with a great car, great home and probably a bank account that would allow me to be a desperate housewife….lol…why how things have changed lol! I want to tell you that I’m totally joking but in truth that was what I WANTED years ago. What I want now is completely different 🙂

The “almost perfect” guy called me up and asked me to meet at this local pub that I knew of but hated. Due to bad experiences at this place, I asked him if he wouldn’t mind changing the venue. I thought he would ask me a million questions on why I didn’t want to meet at this local pub since it was so popular but he didn’t. He accepted the request and picked a different spot. I thought this was super sweet of him that he was willing to change the location  so fast.

We met in the middle of the week over a few beers where we discussed  our traveling adventures. The main thing that we had in common was the fact that we both travelled Asia. We shared a lot of the same stories which I found really funny, the fact that a complete stranger also shared the same things I did, made talking him ten times easier. There was no need of chit-chat or the topic of weather to fill the silence. We were able to hold a conversation between us without effort.

He spoke about his little adventure in Mongolia and how cold it was. His experience camping during a blizzard and all the new foods he tried on his travels, he told me he had no clue what he actually ate most of the time he was traveling. We laughed a lot during the date.

After the third beer came, we finished it, he picked up the bill and he  walked me to my car. I told him he didn’t have to walk me to my car since it was freezing out but he insisted. The walk was quite short since I parked really close; I’m pretty sure he was disappointed when he found out that the walk took 3 minutes. Right before we parted, he implied that we would see each other again and I nodded and replied yes.

I didn’t end up seeing ” almost perfect”  guy again, he did message me a few times asking when I was free and I remember I told him the same excuse over and over again.  I told him I was busy with work, that something came up and maybe we could meet up next week, these were the common excuses I gave ;(.

After a few times of giving him the same excuses, he finally stopped asking. I said all these excuses just so I didn’t have to give him the real reason. I was a coward for not ever telling him the truth. The truth was I didn’t want to see him again and not because of something he said or did but because he wasn’t the guy I wanted to be with at that time.

I wonder what he’s up to now? 😉

 

 

Reservations for 3

Sometimes too much information is JUST too much information. Now I know that in all relationships, its known that there is a lot of pillow talk so all your dirty secrets will spill out at some point, however when is TOO SOON??

During a cold winter day in February, I woke up to a chilly Sunday with nothing planned.  It was quite cold out and the weather was perfect day to be lazy and catch up on some Netflix. As I was in bed finishing every episode of Dexter (yes I was late to the Dexter game…lol) I become sickened with the fact that I have watched over three hours of television. I needed to stop, so I jumped to social media instead lol.

After checking all social media outlets, I decided to browse the online dating world just to see whats happening, I soon after came across a gentlemen that asked me to meet later in the afternoon. For reals….like in a few hours??? omg omg!

Now this was extreme for me to accept since we started messaging each other only a few hours before, however we were set to meet at 3pm (still sunny) and we were meeting over a simple coffee and a walk down the river. It was also Sunday, what can be bad about a Sunday afternoon date? 🙂

I drove to Kensington and told him to meet me right outside of Higher Ground so we can grab a hot drink and start walking down the river from Kensington. It was very chilly out and I remember seeing my breath as I walked outside. It was very cold so I layered multiple layers; I’m pretty sure I looked like the Michelin man in pink lol.

I arrived first and I waited for him for 15 mins, he got lost 😦 He was new to the city so he didn’t know the ways around Calgary just yet so I thought that meeting in Kensington would be cute. I thought about showing him around Calgary  and telling him places to see and check out.  Kensington was great place to meet, it was located in the heart of Calgary, tons of culture and it was right beside the river. I was wishing we would hit it off just so I could show him my favorite places in YYC. I had hopes that he would fall in love with Calgary as much as I did 🙂

When we finally met, it started off awkward, he was nervous and I was nervous. Silence filled the first 5 minutes we were together. He looked the same as in his photos, however I thought he would be a little taller and little bigger. I’m not quite sure what he thought of me but he smiled so I took it as a good sign.

We went inside and I ordered a coffee-a latte actually and he ordered a hot cocoa. We did the normal chit-chat, we talked about the weather and how we spent the day so far. When the drinks were done, we picked up our drinks and we immediately walked back outside and began the walk down the river.

Since he was new, I had a lot of questions for me. I usually have tons of questions for anyone lol. I wanted to know why he moved to Calgary and how he liked it so far. He answered explaining that he recently came to Canada and he was travelling before he actually settled here. He actually recently moved and been in Canada for only two months.

We talked about our families and our background and how he was actually here alone trying to work out the “Canadian dream”. I found everything about his situation so interesting so the conversation between him and I lasted for an 2 hour walk down the river.

It was dark now and I told him it was time to turn back around since it was only getting colder; the sun was gone. We turned back around and this was the time he tried pulling me closer. I DID NOT LIKE THIS….lol but he knew I was uncomfortable so he stopped. As we kept walking back, there was silence between us and it got awkward again so we talked about everything and anything to fill the silence.

This is where it got EXTREMELY AWKWARD! We started sharing dating stories and it was funny at first until he told me this story. (since this date was almost two years ago, I can’t quote him word for word but I remember the general story )

His story:

he was chatting with a girl for a few days and soon after they decided to meet up, this girl was living in Airdrie and asked him if he could come by and pick her up and they could do something in Airdrie. He agreed and drove from Calgary to Airdrie to meet up with her on Friday night. He arrived at this girls Airdrie home and she asked him to come inside so he can give her some extra time get ready. He came in and he waited, the girl then asks him if her best friend could come along on this date…..he thought this was strange however felt obligated to say yes since he was already there. Her friend then comes over and they proceed to bring out the shots and got completely obliterated with alcohol and to top it off, the friend then brings out some illegal powder to get ready….. all of this took him by surprised. There was some points throughout the night that he thought about leaving but he ended up bringing these two girls to Boston Pizza for dinner instead.

I asked him why he didn’t leave, what was the reason he stayed? Now I might “old school” but the whole scenario doesn’t sound like a date to me. What happened to the classic dates like dinner then a movie? Also, when did it become normal to invite other people to be part of a date? I love my best friend but she would never be invited to be part of my date ….hehehehe!

After asking  21 questions about the date and then asking him WHY DIDN’T YOU LEAVE? He finally gave me the stereotypical answer that I would expect from asshole. He stayed in hopes he would score a THREESOME! LOL…..yep.

In one date, I was able to like and dislike someone in less than 3 hours hahaha! Now if he kept that story to himself for just a few dates longer, would’ve I fallen madly deeply in love with him that I would be able to oversee this story?? Maybe? Probably not but he could’ve enjoyed a few more dates with me if he held out not telling me that story just yet!

3 is just right but 4 is a crowd lol!

Mr.Time Crunch

 

Being late is one of the biggest pet peeves for me and since I moved to suburbia I have been known to be late a few times…well actually more than a few times. Since I have been caught in the action of being late, I have tried to be more patient with my friends and family who do show up late. Time is valuable and I understand that no one wants their time wasted so therefore I apologize to anyone that has waited for me. I will try to be better 🙂 I am also going to take this opportunity to apologize in advance to the future humans that could possibly be in the situation where they will wait for me. hehehe!

Anyways, “time crunch guy” is one of the most memorable dates I went on, therefore I will make it the first post. I’ve decide to meet up with “Mr.Time Crunch” on a Thursday for a coffee date downtown. Mr. Time crunch wasn’t super attractive but he was witty and very intelligent therefore I decided to test it out 🙂 We planned to meet at a coffee shop on 17th and I definitely remember him wearing  a watch lol.  Now, why is this watch so relevant, because it’s very important to the rest of this bad date story…. hehehe!

I remember leaving the house at 7:40 pm  and I knew I was going to be late.  I sent him a message  apologizing I would be 5 mins late, he responded right away and said that was ok. As I drove onto 17th ave, I could see that it was going to be a busy night and finding a parking spot would be difficult so I quickly grabbed my phone and messaged again telling him that I would be another 10 mins late.  That 10 mins turned to 20 mins because I couldn’t find parking, I parked 6 blocks further then I was expecting to.

As I walked to the coffee shop I was imagining how annoyed this guy would be. Is he going to be mad? Is this coffee date going to be awkward now? Why didn’t you leave earlier Linda??? WHY? Since I was so late, I actually got really nervous thinking about all the scenarios that would play out. Maybe he got fed up and left?  😦

When I got to the coffee shop, he was still there. I could see it on his face that he wasn’t impressed. He was clearly upset that I  was 25 mins late and the reason why I know this, is because he straight out told me… hahaha. I apologized to him and I knew I would have to use all the charm I had in me to win him over. I kept on apologizing throughout the date and decided to make fun of myself for being such a ditz on time. (Humor is the cure to all the negative emotions people feel and sometimes being the butt of a joke will lessen the intensity of any situation lol). This totally worked!!!!

The coffee date turned to a 3 hour witty banter on friendships and relationships. Though we were able to keep the conversation going, I disagreed with some of his views on relationships and I found  his directness a bit of a turn off, however he asked to take me to Lunch on Sunday and in which I agreed.

For Sunday, Mr. Time crunch asked me to meet him at a Vietnamese restaurant at noon.  (I think he picked a Vietnamese restaurant because he assumed I would like it since I’m Vietnamese lol.) Even though I wasn’t certain on the guy, I was still looking forward to lunch with him.  That afternoon, I was determined to make it on time so I could make up for my tardiness on Thursday night so in truth, I actually left 20 mins early.

This restaurant was located  further down on 17th. I assumed it would take me about the same time it took me to get to the coffee shop. Halfway down Macleod, I googled it on my phone and I was wrong, it was about 15 mins further so yes-yes I was going to be late again.

While I was driving, I picked up my phone and frantically messaged him that I was going to be late, I knew he was going to give me a hard time and he was going to be very displeased that I was going to be late yet again. I continued driving and I also sped up a bit just to try to make up a few minutes of time. Soon after I sent him that message, he messaged me back. This  message is the start of the downhill spiral, this message is the reason why I don’t feel bad that I was running late. THIS MESSAGE  LED TO THE DEAL BREAKER IN WHY I CHOSE NOT TO SEE HIM AGAIN!!!

His response:

if your  10 minutes late the I will pay for the bill

if your 10-20 minutes lat then we are splitting the bill 

if your more than 20 minutes late then you are paying for the bill

WHHHHAAAATTTT???? SERIOUSLY?

Now maybe I’m taking this to personally but I found this extremely rude! WAS HE JOKING??

Since I was very close to the restaurant, I continued driving there and even though I was upset with the message he sent to me, I went into the restaurant and continued with date. I tried to hide the fact that I was upset but I’m pretty sure he knew. I tried to be positive and engaging during lunch but I wasn’t the same great conversationalist from Thursday.

When the bill arrived at the table, I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, was he joking before? Is he going to apologize? Am I overthinking the message?

This is what happened next, he looked at his watched, TAPPED THE GLASS and looked at me and told me that I was 12 mins late, so therefore we were splitting the bill.

I LAUGHED and told him I will pay for ALL of the bill and we won’t be seeing each other again.

Bye bye Time Crunch